


Welcome to CHili's!

by telefool



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anniversary, Bathroom Sex, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Public Sex, Quickies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-13 19:06:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16024097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telefool/pseuds/telefool
Summary: Ryan is great at giving presents, actually, so. Shane is sure they'll all be able to tell.





	Welcome to CHili's!

**Author's Note:**

> I've watched more Buzzfeed than I knew existed in the last week and a half.

" _Everyone_ is going to know if we fuck in this Chili's." Shane says, his voice booming in the empty men's room, but Ryan isn't going to let his nerves get to him today. Today it's going to be Shane's brain melting.

Ryan locks the door behind him, the click purposeful. Hears Shane swallow behind him and it breaks his mouth into a grin. Shane makes even the smallest of tells a win for Ryan's ego.  _'#Boogara'_ Ryan thinks. Says- "This is apparently statistically the least busy time of day for restaurants in LA."

"You researched that? Googled  _'when is the best time to fuck in a Chili's bathroom'_?" Shane says questioningly. "What am I saying- of course you did."

"No, you did." Ryan tells him. "For one of the episodes of _It's Personal_. And shut up."

Alone, the phrase comes out fond. Alone like this, Shane actually does shut up. Goes silent, his mouth a soft twist, his eyes studying Ryan's.

"You're serious about this." Shane says, and he must finally believe it because his voice has gone low and sort of soft now. Like he's losing focus on the conversation, focusing on something else instead.

"I'm seriously going to fuck you." Ryan says challengingly and Shane, the jerk, goddamn giggles. Guffaws with his long stupid face, in his long stupid hands. "Come on. Get-get your jacket off."

"I'm pretty sure a 'quickie' " Shane starts, drawling the word until it's as long and stupid as he is. "Means I should leave on as much as possible."

Ryan takes off his own jacket aggressively, tossing it over the stall door without breaking eye contact. It's stupid, and he feels stupid, but Shane looks intrigued.

Eyebrows raised, Shane says "O _kay_ _,_ but everyone's going to know-"

"That's why I invited them." Gestures at him with an infuriating little 'hurry up' motion. It's rude, but it does startle Shane a little, and he goes for his jeans first, popping the button. Pretty sweet that he already wants it, but Ryan reaches instead for the front of his jacket. "That's why I offered to pay. Gave you an audience. Sort of."

"That's... devious." Shane mutters and Ryan, already close, decides to take advantage of that popped button. Slides his hand lower, slips it into the warm space between those long legs, until he feels Shane shiver. "Kinda kinky, Ry-"

"I went through your search history." Ryan shrugs. "Happy anniversary."

He decides Shane's jacket is good enough just pushed to his elbows. Pulls him close to suck a big fat hickey on his neck, on tiptoes to nip at his jaw. Shane's breath catches in his throat, and Ryan can feel his dick start to chub up at the sound. "Now turn around."

"This is probably sexual harassment." Shane says, turning toward the sinks and leaning on his elbows. Bent enough to be inviting, open jeans sagging on slim hips, but not so much that he set off the faucet's motion sensor. "Not me, I mean. We're married, everyday is sexual harassment, but for the rest of-"

Ryan pauses for a second, fingers hooked in the waistband of his jeans, before sliding them down until they bunch around his thighs.

"Curly proposed a body shots video, and it made it all the way onto the Board of Serious Suggestions in the breakroom-"

"You cannot deny it would have gotten like  _maaaaaad_ views." Shane says. Readjusts his impossible stork legs, pressing his ass backward towards Ryan. Ryan had known he'd be into this, but his easy compliance is hot.

"Yeah, I know you'd have loved that." Ryan says, his tone teasing, and Shane flushes a bit in the mirror. The, what, two beers? he'd poured into him, and the monster margherita Daysha had bought him as a joke that Shane had gleefully consumed. Ever since the IV's he'd loved an opportunity to drink on a tuesday, but the alcohol was definitely working against his composure. "You'd have loved having 80k watching you sweat. You'd have gotten an- an enormous boner-"

It had been part of a whole plan. He'd ordered flowers to the office, and Maycie had ordered a cake. He'd spent all morning living in Shane's pocket, bothering him with terrible ideas for the Hot Daga. And then, for lunch, he'd invited everybody out- invited everybody here.

They'd taken their car, Ryan had ordered a big pile of appetizers, let Shane ramble. He was in a good mood today. Ryan had decided love was a good look on him. He'd ordered him a beer, and then another, watching Shane hold the long necks in his long fingers.

Maybe Curly had been on to something.

"I would have." Shane says and Ryan's fingers find their way under the wide black band of his underwear, sliding it over the lean, pale length of his ass, tangling it with his jeans, and shit maybe there was something to this mostly clothed thing. It was kind of neat to see his normally hidden body, cut into vulgar pieces. "I'd have gotten a big ol' boner-"

"Yeah, you would have." Ryan says. "You'd have been desperate to fucking hide it-  _hide your fat cock-_ "

"Well, shit." Shane says, dropping the goofy voice for something more natural. Something more breathless. " I mean, probably. When you say it in your spooky voice-"

"Spooky voice." Ryan mutters, before raising the hem of his t-shirt in between his teeth, so he can see what his hands are doing. "Gonna wreck your shit, Shane."

"Good lord." Shane says faintly, offended. And then a little louder when Ryan's fingers slip around his asshole, still puffy from that morning "Did you- did- where did that lube come from?"

"I hid it under the sink last night." Ryan says, feeling a little accomplished. In the mirror Shane looks flabbergasted and flushed.

"You- wait- you hid it-"

"-last night, yeah. On the way home."

" _Why-_ " Shane starts, then straightens making Ryan's hand slip. "Is that why you worked late?"

"I was worried you'd guess." Ryan tells him.

"I- I really fucking didn't." Shane says. Breathes out as Ryan lines the head of his cock up with Shane's squeezing hole. Inhales sharply through his nose as he presses in. "Shit- Ryan-"

"I know." Ryan says. It's a slow drag still until he bottoms out, and Shane's white-knuckling the bathroom sink. "I'm just gonna-"

He rolls his hips back, before slamming his way back in, and Shane makes this small, involuntary noise and its like something lets go in Ryan's brain, and then his hands are gripping Shane's shoulders and he's pounding the shit out of him in a Chili's bathroom.

It is absolutely hotter than it should be. He can see Shane's face in the huge mirror clearly, and it's making Shane a little desperate to hide, his mouth hanging open as he spreads his legs enough to stay braced and Ryan's cock to get just that bit deeper. It makes Ryan really lean into it, until he's sweating, grunting with it.

"Fuck." Shane says. Laughs. Ducks his head so all Ryan can see is the pale line of his neck. "This is so  _dumb_."

"I'm going to blow in your ass." Ryan says. Breathless like he's been laughing or running. "And then I'm going to go eat a burger the size of my face."

"I'm dating a stereotype-"

"Married to a stereotype." Ryan says and Shane looks up, leaning into the next lunge so he can meet his eyes. Ryan rewards him with a bruising thrust. "I don't fuck just anybody in a Chili's."

Shane wheezes- groans. Snakes a hand under himself and the thought that Shane's wanting enough to touch himself warms him from the inside out. Ryan puts a hand on the sink, curving himself over as much of Shane as he can, lets his body build to a natural rhythm.

"God, I'm-"

"Me too." Ryan says. "Fuck- that was- that was fast."

"Really wanted it. Wanted you to mess me all up." Shane says, rough and maybe pleased. "They're gonna look- look at me and they're going to  _know_ -"

"First episode of  _'SOLVED'_." Ryan bites out. "Did Ryan bust in Shane's ass-"

"- _god_ -"

"-and I mean like, really pour a load in there, in broad daylight-"

"No windows." Shane says. His ass is beginning to squeeze around Ryan's cock, fluttering like it does when he's about to cum. "It's- it's indoor light."

"Shut  _up_." Ryan says, and then came like a fucking hose. Shane shudders under him, then gives the base of the sink a new coat of white paint. "Christ- indoor light-"

"Thanks." Shane says, polite but sweaty, his voice fucked-out even though he'd barely made a peep. Ryan wipes off on the curve of his ass, leaving a shiny snail trail. Sighs. "That was..."

"Well, you should know, before your social anxiety sets in, that I already sent everybody home. Texted them and told them you had horrible explosive shits, and were too embarrassed to face them."

"We have to stop using that as an excuse everytime we want to fuck in public." Shane mutters. "You're a terrible husband."

Ryan zips up, gives his boy a little swat on the ass.

"Get ready for that wooden chair- I've got a burger to eat."

" _Demon_."

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/telefool)


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